I’ve started to write this post several times. And each time, I either choose to sleep or do chores because that’s the season of life I’m in right now. And while I don’t want to this to be a pessimistic outlook on the year ahead, I thought it would be good (mostly for me) to share a recap of 2018.
As you know, 2018 was a big year for me. It’s the year I became a mom. And because of that, I feel like it was the best year ever. Yet at the same time I’ve also been struggling with a few things that I’ll share here.
Basically, if I were to summarize the year in just a few words, I’d say 2018 was the year I learned that I can’t do it all.
I’ve been blogging full-time since 2012 and actually started the blog back in 2008. That’s 11 years of blogging, friends! And while I’m super grateful for having created a career that I love I’m feeling extra burned out right now.
My role as a mom still feels new to me. I’m still figuring out what that looks like each day while struggling with major postpartum anxiety. This isn’t something I’ve shared because, well, I’ve always been the person that could do it all. But now I’m not. And I’m learning that it’s ok to not do it all. This is something I think I could have never said before now.
It’s been a roll coaster because I’ve never been an anxious person. And while my anxiety doesn’t come from worrying about June, in fact, I feel so blessed to have such a healthy, easy going baby. And I’ll probably jinx it by writing this down but she’s been sleeping though the night since 8 weeks old! It comes from the internal struggle of balancing being a full time mom and a full time blogger/creator. And it’s hard! We don’t have any family here to help us and I underestimated how hard it would be to maintain work, a house, and friendships with an infant around. And I’m not saying this to gain sympathy, but rather, I thought I should share because I’ve been less active on here and on social media these days.
One of the often hidden things about blogging or being self-employed is that when you don’t work, you don’t get paid. Which means you don’t get a paid maternity or paternity leave and you have to pay a shit ton of money for health insurance (which is another topic I could write thousands of words about).
I’m trying to focus on the aspects of this job that I do love; I get to create and I am able to be at home with June. I’m trying to take each day at a time and cherish these movements with her because I know she won’t be little forever. But right now, I am also trying to figure out what my career looks like. I have a longing to do something new creatively or perhaps that just is my desire to have a career that’s easier to manage. With a baby it’s hard to get any work done during the day yet daytime is when I need to work, to shoot photos, videos, and shop for supplies.
I’ve also have a longing for a slower life. A life beyond of the hustle of LA and beyond working into the wee hours of the morning. But I’m not sure what exactly that means for us. I do know I want to be able to scale back my work significantly so I can be the best mom for June.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve created over 150 videos and worked with so many brands I never thought I would. And up until last year this business I created all on my own was growing significantly year over year.
But now I’m feeling the pull towards being present over perfect. A modest life and less stuff rather than constant hustle to make it big. I’m just not sure what that looks like today, or exactly for Sarah Hearts this year.
And while I do have some fun DIYs and recipes I’d love to share this year, I’m also excited to see what this year brings creatively. I truly thank you for your support and being a part of this journey too.
x o, Sarah